A Night With The One You Love
by Tiger Celeste
Summary: They had their future set in stone, they'd seen it with their own eyes. But what happens when everything seemingly changes because of one horrible, unseen event? Can life really go one without the one you love standing beside you?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon and I am not making any money off this story. It's just something to entertain myself with.

Well, it's not my first story but it is my first one-shot! It's odd writing something small when my other work has been monstrous. Well, I hope you enjoy it! If you're still confused (and even if you're not) by the time you're done with this, please read the A/N at the end. :)

On to the story~!

* * *

He sat in the rocking chair beside his daughter's crib, waiting as he had every night since the girl was born three months ago. He never had to wait to long and this night only proved it because all too soon he could feel a cold chill seep into his bones. Less than a second later an ethereal, wispy figure appeared before him.

The figure walked straight over to the crib, bypassing his still form, and gazed down at the child. _"She really is beautiful."_

The words were never audible but that did not mean they were not spoken. He always heard them as clearly and loudly as if she had shouted them in his ears. "She is you." He uttered simply, like he had every other night. A mirror image, the two of them were.

"_I was never so beautiful." _A soundless giggle, a flash of a smile.

His hands clenched against the arms of the chair. "Why do you continue to torment me in this way?"

A soulful gaze, a deep encompassing sadness in her eyes. _"Because I love you."_

That wasn't the answer he was looking for, it never was. He squeezed his eyes shut as his love for this ethereal figure consumed him in return, yet he did not say it. "You know what I mean. If you loved me, you would not do this."

"_I am doing nothing except what is fated."_

"This was not the fate that we were meant to have. We saw our future with our own eyes." Blue eyes snapped open as he felt a cold breath fanning over his face.

A sad smile, a hand hovering over his cheek. _"Fate is not absolute."_

"It should be." He choked out roughly, "It _should _be."

"_Endy…"_ He squeezed his eyes shut once more, feeling a tear trail down his cheek. _"Endy, I love you…"_

"Stop calling me that. I am not Endymion. He is long dead and will never live again." He retorted harshly, his fingers digging deeper into the white-painted wood under his hands. "The present I am living in only confirms it."

A moment of silence before the cold breath moved closer, chilling his lips. _"You cannot continue with these thoughts. Endymion is as alive as you are, Mamoru."_ He stayed stone silent even as his breaths become more labored. _"What will you say when Crystal Tokyo rises, looking for its King?"_

"That he is dead." He answered, his voice barely above a whisper, "As dead as his Queen."

"_You must move on, Mamoru. __A King needs any Queen."_

His eyes opened sharply, blazing with emotion. "No. There is only one Queen and one alone."

That fierce emotion charged the sudden silence, before she whisperingly admitted _"I cannot move on until you do, Endymion. Your torment cannot end until I am gone."_

"But you are never gone." Another tear made a salty path down his cheek. "You are lying in that crib right this second."

A pause. _"She is not me and I am not her."_

"Liar." He nearly hissed, "She is a duplicate of the mother she will never know but will always hear about."

"_I have cursed her with a name and the image to go along with it."_ The chill moved away to his lips to dance across his forehead, a phantom's kiss. _"I am sorry. I never meant to."_

"I know." He uttered, knowing the truth. She hadn't wished for this fate, no one had, but it didn't matter because they were all cursed with it and always would be.

"_I… never told you this when I was pregnant but I had wished I would give you a son. A duplicate of yourself."_ He looked at her in surprise, inciting a giggle. _"A brilliant boy with untidy hair and fathomless eyes. That is what I wished to give you."_

He open and closed his mouth a few times, stunned. "What… of Chibiusa?"

A wistful smile. _"Her as well. I… wanted to give you as many children as you had wanted. To create the family you never had."_

"I was going to have all the family I need." He insisted, "You and our daughter."

"_But I ruined that by dying."_ Another tear escaped his eye. _"What do you want me to do, Mamoru? I cannot crossover until you accept my fate and move on with your life."_

"I can't." He whispered hoarsely, "I just can't. You should be here in the flesh, able to hold your daughter."

Ghostly fingers flexed, a longing gaze. _"I want that as well but it is not possible. Never will be. I have accepted it, now you must."_

He shook his head frantically. "No. No, there has to be a way --_any _way-- to bring you back."

"_You cannot cross the barriers between life and death. You would only give our daughter the fate you received the second your parents died. Orphanhood."_ A pause. _"I have cursed our daughter with my wish to give you a son. Do not make a similar mistake and wish for what you cannot have. Do not involve either Hotaru or Sestuna with this, Endymion. Do not try to resurrect me by any means."_

"It's the only way." He cried out desperately, "It's the _only _way. I'm too selfish, I _can't _accept a life without you and let you crossover. I'll damning your soul to exist as you are right this instant and I hate myself for it all the more. But I just _can't_, Usako, you have to understand."

"_You're damning yourself as well."_ A whisper, floating across his ears._ "By not accepting my fate, I will continue to appear. I do not want to see you go crazy when your mortal body can't endure my unnatural presence any longer. I do not want our daughter to see."_

He laughed harshly. "I won't matter. I'm already going crazy by seeing your ghost. Our daughter will grow up with an insane father than cannot bare to look at her because she's the mirror image of her mother. And, as much as I fight not to, I hate it. _Hate _that when I look at her, all I can see and remember is you."

An understanding smile, a brush of a ghostly hand across his cheek. _"Then stop wanting to see me, silly. Look at her and want to see a beautiful child that will grow up with your intelligence and knack for dry humor. A child who will have those moments of serious thoughtfulness that make others wonder what is under that beautiful heads of hers."_

He smiled weakly. "A daughter who will grow up knowing when to just stop and lay out in the sun, daydreaming about her future. Her heart will be the largest in Tokyo and she'll always stand up for what she believes in no matter what it costs her. And even with all her determination and cheerfulness, she'll easily make room in her heart for all the friends she'll make in life."

"_That's it, Mamoru. She'll be the perfect combination of both of us."_ The sadness returned, a smile on her transparent face that didn't reach her lips. _"I love you, Mamo-chan. You know I would do anything for you to make this stop."_

He watched her fade away through blurry eyes as the tears flowed down his cheeks faster. "I love you too, Usako. I always will."

Two months later, the tuft of golden-blonde hair on Usagi Serenity Chiba's hair began to bleed a familiar rose color and he saw a shadow of the mischievous Chibiusa staring back at him through her sparkly cerulean eyes. It was the closest thing to the miracle he'd hoped for because now all he saw were the things she would be later in life every time he looked at her.

But, there were times when he retreated into that dark place in his mind and had to wonder if the hair color was the blood of the mother she'd killed by her birth. The mother that loved the both of them enough to find a way, even in death, to change the color of their daughter's hair in hopes of enabling him to move on.

He never did see Usagi's ghost again no matter how many times he waited in that nursery. He never could accept her death, either.

* * *

Done: 11:50, April 29, 2009

Posted: 12:10 April 29, 2009

So… yeah. I'd been toying with some ideas for the continuation to my story _Emerge to Reveal _(shameless plug: go give it a try if you haven't read it, lol). One of those ideas was for Serena to almost die while in labor. She, being the selfless and loving person she is, would have told Darien to do anything to save their child --even at the cost of her life. But, I figured that story has enough twists and turns as it will be and, besides, I don't want to end the story that far into the future. So, this one-shot was born out of the idea.

It's angst-ridden and sad, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same. Let me know if you'd be interested in me continuing this, I already have some ideas. :)

_Background story:_

A year or two after Mamoru and Usagi are married, she's pregnant with who everyone thinks is the prophesized Chibiusa. When she goes into labor one night, however, things don't go as expected. Serious complications arise and Mamoru is told that only one life can be saved, either his wife's or his daughter's. There's absolutely no way to save both. At Usagi's urging, he chooses to save their daughter and she's promptly named Usagi Serenity Chiba while he's with his wife as she dies.

However, when Mamoru finally does go to see his daughter he realizes she _isn't _Chibiusa --she's the carbon copy of her mother. No cinnamon-colored eyes or pink/rose hair in sight. You can take this however you want (Usagi's death caused a shift in the time stream, they're is in an alternative universe, etc) but the fact of the matter is that Chibiusa doesn't exist and everyone automatically assumes that because of that, and Usagi's death, Crystal Tokyo will never exist either.

Mamoru's not completely sure that's the case though and manages to convince himself that no one had been allowed to know the _whole _future, so what's to say his future self _hadn't _endured the same thing but had found a way to bring his wife back? Meanwhile, Usagi's ghost visits every night and for him, it's torture. He can see her but never touch her and is forced to watch the longing gazes she sends both him and their daughter, but how she can smile and giggle like she's still alive. Worse yet, he looks at his daughter and sees her mother staring back at him. The same eyes, the same hair, the same giggles, she _is _her mother. And he hates it more every time Usagi leaves for the night and he's reminded of what he can't have anymore.

The above conversation was his breaking point where he realizes he'll never be the father he needs to be because every time he looks at his daughter, she conjures up memories of her mother that hurt and make him grieve all over again. He finally admits that he can't accept life without Usagi but it's not practical because it'll tear everyone up if he can't. So he brings up his idea to bring her back only for her to forbid him to either go back in time (Pluto) or find a way to resurrect her or have her reborn, etc. (Saturn).

The ending was meant to be ambiguous. It's Darien belief that Usagi managed to sacrifice her afterlife to change their daughter's hair so he could _see _their daughter and stop being hung up his memories of them together. That way, he'd be able to grieve for the last time before moving on, and hopefully remarry. But because his love for his wife was so great, he never could. Yet, because of her sacrifice, he can't even see and talk to her ghost anymore to give him that solace.

See, told you it was sad. Please R/R, always appreciated! Oh, and if you _are _interested in a continuation and a site member, please add this story or me (how about both? XD) to your alerts so you can know the second I do. Thanks for reading!

_Tiger Celeste._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon and I am not making any money off this story. It's just something to entertain myself with.

…Well, it's August 3 so, um, Happy angst-y birthday Mamo-chan? --Insert wincing--

First things first: You can see that I _did _decide to continue this but, if you were content and/or satisfied with just the one-shot, then by all means you aren't obligated to read this. If would be nice, but I understand that mindset that comes when you think a writer took a really good (or decent, in my case) story and warped its value by extending it. ---Like movie sequels that go on forever! You know what I mean.

But! For those of you who _are _interested, then go right ahead and read! I'm planning to keep it under a manageable size (maybe five chaps or so, I hadn't decided) and it's going to be this angst-piece to get all my frustrations out in because Emerge to Reveal (another shameless plug: I like new readers!) is in a good place right now and I'm not.

Another but! I love my happy endings so, ultimately, it will have one. It'll just be angst-filled until then. :) On that note, this chapter hadn't seemed so …_sad _to me until I reread it. I don't know why it took a second reading but, it made my eyes watery and I just wanted to erase it all and make Mamoru happy. I did _not_, however, so if you're not a big fan of sad-stuff… try not to make that second sweep through?

(Oh, there's another A/N at the end, since I seem to like this telling-without-telling thing) And, without further ado…

On to the story~!

* * *

_Six years later…_

* * *

His life had become a pretense.

He wondered when it had become that way. When he pretended he was okay with becoming a sort of unofficial king when a kingdom (a not-so-funny funny fact: it _hadn't _been the Crystal Palace of Crystal Tokyo, it had been _his_ --his Golden Kingdom from the Silver Millennium) had indeed come rising out of the soil? When he told everyone that he could leave that nursery behind, that Serenity was growing out of it anyways? When he lied in his bed at night and told himself that the left side wasn't as cold as it felt?

When he told everyone that he accepted his _soul mate _was _dead_?

It hadn't been a conscious thought, when he'd begun this game of his. Surrounded by friends who jokingly called him the "King of the World" at least once a day and attendants who didn't (_couldn't_) seem to remember that his name was _Chiba Mamoru_, not _Endymion-sama_, he was more lonely than ever.

It had started as a comment here and there, when that loneliness became a void that threatened to drive him mad, but soon it became more. He would whisper comments to the air around him. He would laugh and turn to the empty space next to him, sharing a secretive smile. When he would be barricaded in his office, buried under mountains of paperwork, and say something out loud…

"The Prime Minister should receive the fax I sent this afternoon, meaning if I can get this finished and passed by early next week, I can hold the press conference for the AFC committee by that Friday afternoon…"

A soundless giggle would interrupt his train of thought. _"You are getting so boring, Mamo-chan. Why not go outside to the gardens?"_

He would sit down his pen, sending a bemused smile to where he could just (_if he wished enough, thought enough_) see the wispy body of his deceased wife. "Because people expect me to be Endymion-sama, doing work and passing bills in his office --not running around like a child."

A fond smile. _"Serenity is outside. With Diana."_

…and soon enough he would be leaning back in his chair and holding a conversation with the area above the edge of his desk.

They (everyone; Makoto, Rei, Ami, Minako, Haruka, _everyone_) ignored it and he blissfully ignored how they _all _knew it was just another pretense --this one theirs. He knew they were worried about him and his pretend conversations (_because he could never wish, think, or hope enough for them to be real_) with Usagi and, if he was half as honest as he should be with himself, he was too.

But that didn't mean he could stop. They became an addiction for his already crumbling psyche.

An addiction that spread like wildfire through his veins and made him simultaneously go crazy with grief and make him want to weep in relief. Made him loose all semblance of time and scramble to stay up until daylight shone through his curtains to finish his work while making him painfully aware of just how much time you had left in life. Sometimes none, most of the time eternity.

(_Another pretense of his: pretending to be happy that he had a full, healthy life_.)

It wasn't as if he had never made the effort to stop. He wasn't nearly as blind as everyone thought; _he _thought it was ironic how _they _seemed to be blind on how _abnormal _his addiction was. They didn't have patches or support groups or what_ever_ for the death of your soul mate. So his imaginary conversations continued and festered, and soon enough he couldn't even stop them from happening in front of his daughter.

A daughter that, just days ago, he had somehow shattered her belief that his conversations with her departed mother weren't games. That he meant them with all his heart because she _was _his heart. They both were, in all honesty, but the part belonging to his daughter seemed too attached to her mother no matter how much he wanted to (_hated even the thought of_) severing the connection.

But he had to try. He promised.

"_Do you even see what you're doing to your daughter, Mamoru?" Luna asked softly, sitting against her husband against one of the leather couches. Artemis, in turn, wrapped a comforting arm over her shoulder. "If you don't stop this, she's going to be terrified of you."_

They had all come to his office that afternoon. All of them, from Artemis to Setsuna. He was pretty sure a Senshi Teleport or two had been conjured up to get them there so fast because he'd only sent Serenity into crying terrified tears a few hours beforehand. She had run to Luna (the closest thing she would ever have to a mother because he _couldn't move on_) and he'd fled to the practice range, hitting and slashing at anything his sword could touch until he was a sweating, sniveling man because he had just (in _full _ramifications) realized what he had been doing those past _years_. Then he'd forced himself up, spending the rest of the time healing the trees he'd taken his frustration out on and wishing they could heal his daughter back because he was a _terrible, I-don't-deserve-my-sweet-daughter, _father_._

"_I have stopped." He answered firmly from where he sat behind his desk regally, "I understand what I was doing to her and I regret every second of it."_

"_Mamoru, the psychological ramifications--"_

_He quickly held up a hand, stopping Ami from where she sat in between Minako and Rei on the opposing couch. "Ami, please. I am well aware of what I could have done to her if I had continued on with my act." He sighed, deflating, and rubbed a hand over his face. "Look, everyone, I appreciate the concern but I see what I've done, okay? There's no need for all of you to intervene like this when I'm already beating myself up."_

_Minako shifted uneasily in the sudden silence. She knew what needed to be said and, a narrowing of eyes from quite a few of the others, told her __**she **__was leader of the Senshi for a reason. She had to be the one to speak up for the group. "Mamoru, this is hard to say but perhaps it would be best if you checked in somewhere--"_

"_No." He cut the woman off, sending her a sharp glare that almost caused her to squeak in fear, "I am not going insane. Furthermore, I will not leave my daughter alone."_

"_She wouldn't be alone." Makoto retorted, gesturing with her head to all the people in the crowded room. "We are more than capable of taking care of a child. She would have everything she would need."_

"_Except for her father!" He thundered, punching the his desk and he sat up from his chair swiftly. Even the unyielding Jovian Senshi had to contain the urge to step back from where she was standing next to the sitting Rei. "She has already lost her mother! I will not allow her to lose her father as well!"_

"_**Then stop this!" **__Everyone looked at the usually calm Ami in shock as she jumped to her feet. "You are not simply scaring your daughter, Mamoru, you are scaring me and everyone else in this room! Do you think Usagi would want you to pretend to hold conversations with her!? No! Because no amount of pretending or wishing will bring her back and you must accept that!"_

"_I have!"_

_Rei stood to her feet as well. "No, you haven't. It's been six years and I know that not a day goes by where you don't look to your side and expect to see Usagi for even the briefest of seconds. You are becoming consumed with your grieve."_

"_I am perfectly fine!" Mamoru retorted swiftly, "I know my wife is dead and I accept it! I'm not being consumed by anything."_

"_How old is Hotaru now, Mamoru-sama?" Michiru spoke up near the door, where she and the other two Outers were standing silently. She left go of her partner's waist and walked up to the man's desk when he didn't answer right away. "How old is my daughter?"_

_He searched the stoic woman's eyes carefully for a few moments. "I… don't know." He finally admitted, sitting back in his chair back home slowly. He looked from one person to another, seeing the same pitying looking in each of their eyes. "How old is she?"_

"_Just turned seventeen." Haraka answered as she crossed her arms across her chest, "She's already starting to look at universities back in Europe. She wants to put her healing powers to use and be a nurse, if not a doctor."_

"_She has been corresponding with me." Ami added as she reseated herself. "For a few months now, on how medical school was and the differences between the medical fields. She wanted to hear your opinions as well yet, despite how many times I informed you and left her number on your desk, you never responded. She gave up trying to get a hold of you within two weeks time."_

"_That is how much faith she has in you." Michiru told him, "I suggested giving you a month in the very least, explaining how busy you must be, but you know what her response was?"_

_He shook his head slowly. "What?"_

"_That you don't care enough." Artemis responded gravelly, "I know it because my daughter, my __**four year old**__ daughter Mamoru, told me the exact same thing when I suggested you could watch her and Serenity as they played in the gardens while I was busy the other day."_

"_Diana… said that?"_

"_Yes." Luna whispered._

He knew the day they were talking about. He had wasted away an entire afternoon talking with Usagi about how wonderful their daughter was. When he talked to _himself _about how wonderful _his _daughter was. He wanted to be shocked, hurt, but all he could feel was guilt; a gnawing guilt he had felt since he had looked down at his newborn daughter and realized it was _his _fault her mother died.

Because if he had gotten to the hospital _sooner_, studied his medical books _harder_, then Usagi would still be alive. It was all his fault; no matter how much he had tried to place the blame (_what kind of father was he?_) on his angelic baby girl and her hair color.

All _his _fault and he would carry the burden the rest of _his _life. And his punishment would be letting go of Usagi permanently, for his daughter.

But none of that could stop his subconscious mind, or his soul, from seeking his wife out when he was dreaming. Because sometimes, when he closed his eyes tight enough and managed to spirit himself away to Elysian when Helios let him in (it was pathetic when even his unfailing guardian refused to allow him admittance to that dream world; _another pretense: they both pretended it wasn't in fear he would never leave_), he really could see her standing in front of him. Clear and solid, as if she was still alive. But he could see her reaction to what he was doing even more clearly.

A horrified gasp, a worried gleam in lifeless eyes. _"What are you doing to yourself, Mamoru? What are you doing to our daughter?"_

And all he could do was open his own pair of lifeless blue eyes and stare at his white ceiling, torn between how much he hated that promise he made only such a short time ago and how much he wished he was able to rid himself of his abnormal addiction for pretend conversations with a dead woman. And, as he stared at that ceiling for hours on end, he wondered if Usako's predication that he would go crazy would come to fruitfulness --only it would be because he _couldn't _even see her spirit.

Then he was torn between wanting to stay strong for his daughter and wanting to embrace insanity for its reprieve. Because he was sure that, in madness, someone would finally understand what he was going through. If not, he could always invent them for himself. That's what crazy people did, right?

He was already halfway there, in retrospect. He invented a ghost.

As he forced himself to sleep like he did every night, he could feel how he (_almost_) unconsciously rolled over to the empty side of the bed but, once again, he couldn't find the strength to stop pull himself back to his side. He could only bury his face in the pillow Usagi had never gotten a chance to use, in the bed she had never gotten a chance to pick out and the palace she'd never gotten to see, and imagine smelling her perfume for the countless (_one-thousand, one-hundred-and-sixth_) night of the infinite (_two-thousand, three-hundred-and-twelve_) nights she had been gone.

Then he had to wonder when he had become such a masochist. It must have been when his life became such a big, happy (_miserable_) pretense.

The irony of it all was how much he hated pretenses.

* * *

Done: August 2, 2009 10:30 pm

Posted: August 3, 2009 2:10 pm

To be honest, how many of you tried that second-read through? Did you feel sorrier for him --or for his daughter? I felt it for both, but mostly Mamoru because it was from his general POV and he can see he's tortured from all sides. Wants to be with his wife, even if it takes him going crazy or dying, while wanting to be _there _for his daughter so she doesn't have to grow up an orphan like he did.

_Background story (Sorry! It's a long one since it's been six years!):_

Luna, Artemis, Diana are all continuously humans here. They still have their cat forms but chose to be humans to lead more productive lives and be able to help their king more directly --opposable fingers can go a long way, you know.

It doesn't take long after her birth before Usagi Serenity Shields is continuously called "Serenity" by everyone. My reasoning is that "Chibiusa" prompted memories of the Chibiusa of the future-that-didn't-quite-become-the-future and no one could bring themselves to call her by her birth name of "Usagi" for, well, obvious reasons. Serenity, as her middle name, was the next understandable choice because Serenity wasn't _exactly _Usagi --just a past life-- and Usagi had been _Usagi _to them all.

Now, up until the Golden Palace rose out of the ground, Mamoru and baby Serenity stayed in their apartment, the Inners stayed in Tokyo going about their various lives, Pluto left to the Time Gate, and the remaining Outers moved to Europe for their careers and own lives. And Mamoru, himself, gave up Med School so he could fully devout his time to his daughter (I'm running with the hefty-inheritance story, here. He doesn't need to go to work or school, at least until she gets old enough).

Here's the important part to all that: besides raising his daughter 24/7, he waits in her nursery every night in hopes that Usagi's ghost will come back and visit. She never does, but he continues to wait for three years --until the Golden Palace appears. This is where the comment of "When he told everyone that he could leave that nursery behind, that Serenity was growing out of it anyways?" comes into meaning. He pretended he was okay with leaving that nursery --really, leaving his seemingly only chance of seeing Usagi again-- for the Palace with everyone else.

So, some of you are probably wondering about this Golden Place. You know --when, why, how, etc. But I, uh, kind of didn't plan too much out because if you've read my other story, you know I like to get _very _detailed and involved. It was just better if I left some of the imagination to you.

What I _can _say, though, is that it did _physically _come out of the ground but I'm not… exactly… sure why. Maybe it had been swallowed by the Earth when it had felt Endymion's death on the moon in the Silver Millennium, where it had intended to stay forever, until "global warming/climate change" forced it out violently within the span of a few months. During those few months, a climatic battle of natural forces (wildfires, sudden droughts, tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, etc.) reeked havoc upon mankind until Mamoru couldn't see people suffer anymore and used Endymion's powers to reestablish the balance of nature --thus making him some kind of god among men and everyone more than willing to let them be their king?

…Yeah. That sounds pretty damn good for making it up on the spot! Unlikely of any "real"-ness (because who would _actually _accept a superhuman man to run the world as a monarch of sorts out of the blue?) but still good nonetheless! So, okay, now we have a story of why a Golden Kingdom rose itself out of the Earth's crust but I'm afraid I might have taken away from your creative freedom…

Back to the background: Crystal Tokyo and the thousand-year flash forward is a no-go and Mamoru realizes that his theory of his future-self enduring the same fate of his wife dying but finding a way to revive her, is also _officially _invalidated now. And, under the strain of his new daily responsibilities as kind of an unofficial leader to the world and raising a toddler on top of that revelation, he begins to _pretend _to see Usagi's ghost again so he won't feel as alone and isolated as he does.

He does this for _three years _--a few months into his new position until this chapter-- and the Senshi most of the way ignore it, hoping it's _therapeutic_ or something for him, until it all cultivates into his staring at his daughter's horrified, scared, and tear-streaked face as she realizes it isn't a fun game he's been playing but something _real_.

The end result? A grieving man who realizes he's too close to the edge and has to reign himself back in and force himself to stop having his imaginary conversations with his departed wife. Yet, while he makes a conscious effort for his daughter and friends to do that during the day, he has no control of his subconscious mind and how much he just wants to _be _with Usagi again when he's lying in bed awake at night. He knows he can't, though, but still tortures himself with thoughts and reminders of her constantly, thus promoting that "masochist" comment because he _is _one --has become one-- while his life has become one big lie of "I'm just fine!".

…I just realized how deeply rooted this story, this chapter in the very least, is with angst. …I'm not _that _angst-y right now, am I? Hmm… I need to think this over.

Well, next chapter should be a little lighter because I'm planning on it to be about Mamoru turning his life back around, or trying to the best he can. Can't say when it's going to be, though, because I'm working on Emerge to Reveal, planning its continuation, and have two active stories I'm hiding away on my hard drive and working on finishing besides… Whew! But, the first burst of inspiration I am _so _writing it! Please R/R in the meantime, always appreciated!

…I think the A/N might have been longer than the story…

_Tiger Celeste._


End file.
